- Feast countdown = 37
- Sunday's cravings = Break-and-bake chocolate chip cookies
- Sunday's craving distractions = Fundraising
"...for that moment of hesitation I did not trust myself, and looked back upon the past as something precious about to be snatched away from us and was afraid of the future. I had not understood then what I think I have now come to understand: that we can keep the past only by having the future, for they are forever tied together. Therefore, I lacked some essential confidence in the world and in myself."
-Robert Penn Warren, All the King's Men
These words leapt off the page as I was reading last week, enough to make me pause and put the book down to make room for my thoughts. It was one of those rare moments when the writer exposed me -- my idiosyncrasies and inner rumblings -- right there on the page, and he turned something that's seemingly obvious into a new mini revelation: Living fully and confidently in the present hinges on my ability to embrace, all at once, things past and yet to pass.
Unfortunately, I'm not great about embracing either, especially not at the same time. I look back with regret on lost opportunities or friendships during school. Or, I turn to worrying when confronted with big looming questions about my career or long-term goals. Both cause me to question who I am at present.
I just love this line -- "we can keep the past only by having the future, for they are forever tied together". It's a simple and dizzying concept all at once... To go forward with confidence, living boldly, so that you have a chance at extending what you love about the past. And for the regretful part in me, I would add that we can only "have the future" if we make peace with the past.
Ultimately, I picture myself in the middle of Past and Present Me, straining to hold the two entities together and working to balance their pull on either side. I believe that my ability to live without fear, doubt, and insecurity largely depends on striking that balance.
It has certainly been awhile so I feel strange commenting on your blog.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that I stumbled on your blog while looking for distractions at the hospital. It was beautiful inspiration during a stressful time.
I hope you are enjoying your present life- it certainly seems like you are where you should be.
~ Amanda Dugan (now- Baskett)
Amanda, thanks so much for the kind post -- it means a lot that you enjoyed reading some of my blog. I'm also really glad to hear from you, although I hope everything is ok with your hospital visit. You've been on the brain ever since I read that.
ReplyDeleteKeep in touch -- I'd love to hear how teaching is going sometime. I've always admired your dedication to the field, even in college.
I've been reading some about past, present, and future, and this quote from Warren is terrific -- especially because I've been thinking that we can keep the future only by having the past....
ReplyDelete